Getting your period for the first time is a life-changing experience for every woman, but for Arielle, who got hers at nine years old, it was something more. She shares her story with TEYS in this conversation
TEYS: Hi Arielle, before we get into the juicy bits, if you could describe your first-time experience with your period in a single phrase, what would you call it?
Arielle: Life-changing.
TEYS: Had anyone talked to you about periods before it happened?
Arielle: A little, but not clearly enough. In elementary school, they separated the girls and boys into different classrooms, skimmed the basics of menstruation, and handed out deodorant samples. I left knowing something was coming, but I did not really understand what that meant for my body. I had questions afterward, and my mom answered them. The problem was that I did not know what more to ask, and she figured we would get to the details when I was a preteen. She got her period as a young teen, so it never crossed her mind that it would come for me so soon.
TEYS: How old were you?
Arielle: Nine. One week away from my tenth birthday.
TEYS: What do you remember about that day?
Arielle: I remember feeling overwhelmed, petrified, and angry. It felt like my body had betrayed me. I had just synced up with an older cousin who had gotten hers for the first time too, and all I could think was that I was going to have to wear what I assumed was a diaper for a good portion of my life, every single month.
My older cousins were at the house when it happened. When I told them and my mom that I was bleeding, they cheered. They took photos, smiling and laughing, while I stood there, visibly upset. “Welcome to womanhood!” they said. I was livid. I ran to my room and cried.
TEYS: How did the adults around you respond?
Arielle: My mom came to my room to hold me and comfort me, which I needed. Later that day, when my dad got home and my mom had filled him in, he hugged me, too. That meant a lot.
The women outside my immediate family all said some version of the same thing. “Welcome to being a woman,” or “Yep, and it goes on for the rest of your life.” It was said as if it were a fact you simply accepted. At nine years old, that was not comfortIng. It felt like a life sentence, which it actually is.
My dad was the only man in my family who ever acknowledged it at all. He was the one who bought pads, happily and without making it strange, while my mom and I sat on the couch together, crying and watching sappy movies. He never made me feel like it was something to hide.
TEYS: Was hiding it something you experienced outside the home?
Arielle: Constantly, just not at home. Outside my immediate family, periods were treated as shameful and taboo. The girls were taught to tuck their pads up their sleeves on the way to the bathroom and to hide their bodies as they developed. Nobody talked about it openly, especially not the men.
My parents were different. They never asked me to hide anything, and they supported me when I refused to go along with those unspoken rules. But I was aware, very early on, that the world outside our front door had a completely different set of expectations.
TEYS: What do you wish had been different?
Arielle: I wish I had been better prepared, especially for the physical side of it. Nobody warned me about the pain, the heavy bleeding, the exhaustion, or the mood swings. When it all hit, I genuinely felt like I was losing my mind. If I had known those things were normal, the whole experience would have been so much more peaceful.
I also wish the first words out of everyone’s mouth had not been “welcome to womanhood”. I was nine. I did not want to be welcomed into womanhood. I wanted someone to say that this was a lot, and that it was okay to feel that way.
TEYS: What would you tell your younger self?
Arielle: This is a huge change, and it is normal to have all of these big feelings. You deserve to need rest. You deserve to feel sad and angry all at once. And you deserve to let it all out.
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