Marriage changes you in ways you never imagine. It is about love, yes, but also patience, compromise, and learning to see another person fully- flaws, habits, and all. It is messy, beautiful, challenging, and sometimes surprising.
In this series, Eve spoke with people who have lived these experiences, who have navigated the highs and lows of being married.
They share their stories, the lessons learned, the moments that tested them, and the ways love has shaped their lives.
These are voices of honesty, reflection, and growth, offering a glimpse into what it really means to love, live, and build a life with someone.
Eve: Tell us a bit about yourself and how long you’ve been married
Osalam: My name is Abdulsalam, though most people know me as Osalam. I am a calligrapher, designer, CNC programmer, entrepreneur, and someone who loves creating things with his hands. And for the past two months, I have also been a husband.
Jonathan: My name is Jonathan, I am an engineer, and I have been married for one year, six months, two weeks and five days.
Sally: My name is Sally, I am a business woman, a professional trader, and I have been married for two years now.
Ummu: My name is Ummu. I am from Kano State, and Alhamdulillah, I have been married for twelve years and nine months. I am blessed with three children who have shaped my journey in ways I never imagined.
Eve: What made you decide to get married when you did?
Osalam: Getting married felt like a win-win for everyone involved. My parents wanted it for me, and deep down, I wanted it for myself too. I am 24, and I have been ready for this since I was 22, but it did not happen then. Allah had His reasons.
Jonathan: You know how you think people are making things up when they say you see someone and just know they’re the one?
Well, they weren’t making things up. I met my wife and thought she was the type of woman I would want to marry. Then I saw her in a church program my friend invited me to the following Sunday and just knew she was the one. I just had to marry her.
Sally: Looking back at how it all started, I remember that moment when I realized he was the one for me. At the time, I wasn’t emotionally ready for marriage, not because I didn’t love him, but because I felt I still had growing to do.
He, on the other hand, was completely ready. He was steady, patient, motivated, and so sure about me. And the fact that I loved him and he loved me back made my decision easier. That was what gave me the confidence to say yes.
Ummu: When I think about why I decided to get married, there was no dramatic moment or sudden pressure. I did not rush into marriage because others were doing it. I have always believed that everything unfolds at the time Allah chooses. The timing felt natural for me.
Eve: What has marriage been like compared to what you imagined?
Osalam: Before marriage, I already had an idea of what to expect. I had watched my siblings and friends navigate their marriages, so I did not go in with unrealistic fantasies. I reminded myself that marriage is a union of two humans, not a fairytale. People say marriage is patience upon patience, and I believed that.
Jonathan: It has been better than I imagined. The sex, the companionship, the inside jokes, everything. Even watching TV as a married couple feels different and better.
Sally: Before marriage, I had my expectations about how it would feel. But marriage is something you cannot truly understand until you enter it yourself. It is beyond imagination.
It is an experience on its own, something you must live through before you can describe it. For me, marriage turned out sweeter, more comforting, and fuller than what I pictured. But all of that depends heavily on the person you marry.
Ummu: What nobody really prepares you for is the sacrifice you have to make when you’re married. Before the wedding, aunties and older women repeat the same advice over and over: “You have to be patient. I thought they were exaggerating but they’re not.
“Marriage is about patience.” You hear it so much that you think you understand it. But until you enter the marriage, you cannot imagine the depth of patience it actually requires.
Eve: Were there any surprises or unexpected realities about married life?
Osalam: There were things I used to dislike that I now find myself eating happily. There were routines I had as a single man that simply do not fit into married life anymore. And even when unexpected realities show up, I do not let them disturb my peace. I do not hold things too tightly. If it is meant to be, it will be.
When good comes, we face it together and when challenges come too, we do the same. The goal is not to win first. The goal is simply to win together.
Jonathan: Yes. For me, it was adjusting to my wife and constantly having someone in my space. I lived alone before I got married and sometimes I just want to come back home, chill, play some games and just go to bed but instead, I have to buy bread, come back to make noodles and hangout with my wife.
Sally: Not for me, to be honest. Some people make marriage difficult, stressful, or even miserable for their partners but the man I married made everything easy.
He is supportive, kind, calm, simple, and religious. He gives me comfort and freedom. He respects my decisions. Being with him has shown me that marriage can be beautiful when you are with the right person.
Ummu: I think it’s the fact that you can’t just make a decision, you can’t just wake up one morning and say “oh, I want to travel, I want to do this or that, any major decision without running it past your partner.
Eve: How does marriage differ from dating, in your own experience?
Osalam: The shift from dating to marriage hit me strongly. Dating is surface-level compared to marriage. You meet once in a while, talk on the phone and text mostly but with marriage, it’s being together and waking up in the same space every single day.
When we were dating, her well-being was not my full responsibility. Her parents were there. But in marriage, everything changes. Now, her mental, physical, and spiritual well-being is in my hands, and mine in hers.
Jonathan: You can’t just up and say “I’m done” like you can in dating. I used to wonder why people didn’t just walk away from their marriage when things wnet wrong. But now I understand. There’s some sort of hook or glue that keeps you together.
You have to make a lot of compromises, sacrifices and adjustments when you’re married. It’s no longer just you, it’s the two of you.
Sally: Dating allows you to hide certain things about yourself. There are behaviors, weaknesses, and even talents you keep in the background. When you are dating, you see only what someone wants you to see.
But in marriage, everything shows. Your real character comes out. Your habits come out. Your hidden talents show themselves. All the things you could conceal before, you cannot hide anymore.
Ummu: That is the biggest difference between dating and marriage. Dating feels serious, but it still has a certain simplicity. Marriage demands commitment, trust, and real responsibility.
You have to show up every single day, pull your weight, share burdens, and intentionally build a life with your partner. It is no longer a casual connection. It becomes a daily choice to work together.
Eve: What has helped you most in adjusting to married life?
Osalam: What has truly helped me navigate marriage is my mindset. At some point, you sit yourself down and tell yourself, “You are married now.” I had to remind myself that I am responsible in a new way.
I have to act with patience and wisdom. I had to learn when to speak, how to correct gently, when to praise, and how to adjust my tone.
Jonathan: Loving my wife. I choose to love her every day, when it’s hard, when it’s difficult, when it’s heavy. Loving her has made things easier.
Sally: Patience and honesty. These two things work hand in hand. My husband is extremely patient. He does not talk much. He is calm and simple. That alone taught me to slow down and breathe before reacting.
Before marriage, I got angry easily. Even small things could upset me. But marriage made me see life differently. Now I understand that life becomes as simple or as difficult as you make it. If you carry yourself with gentleness, life will treat you the same way.
Ummu: What helped me adjust the most is patience and it is still helping me, and I believe it helps many couples survive difficult seasons. Alongside that, the most powerful tool is du’a (prayers).
Eve: What lessons have you learned about yourself, your partner, or relationships since getting married?
Osalam: Compromise was a big one for me. I used to love my personal space and did not like anyone touching my things. But marriage is sharing, both physically and emotionally. I had to learn how to communicate softly.
I had to learn how to say, “I like this,” or “I do not like that,” or “Let us do it this way.” I am learning every day. I feel capable. If my parents did it, I can too, with God’s strength and patience.
Jonathan: You have to be patient. Very patient. I mean, you get upset with yourself, talk more of someone else who spends a greater part of their day with you.
Also, communication. It’s very very important. Talk about things, don’t let them grow and fester. If you do, they’ll just keep building up into something bigger and more horrible.
Sally: Because my husband is patient, I learned patience right beside him. I learned to listen. I learned to think before reacting. I learned that peace is something you build intentionally.
Ummu: I have learnt to be strong. Learnt to bounce back from things that originally would have kept me moping for a while. A relationship is all about give and take, you give, I take. I give, you take.
Eve: If you could go back in time, what would you do differently?
Osalam: Looking back, I would not do anything differently. Everything is falling into place, and Allah blessed me with a beautiful and intelligent spouse. To anyone who hopes to marry, I pray Allah grants you partners who will be the coolness of your eyes.
Jonathan: I don’t really know. Things are as good and great for me as they can be. Maybe I would’ve been a lot more kinder, and I definitely would’ve come off my “man of the house” horse sooner than I did. There’s really nothing like “man of the house.”
Sally: Nothing. If I could go back in time, I would still choose him. I would still marry this same man.
Ummu: If I could go back, I would adjust my expectations about romance. I used to read novels where love was overflowing and the men were perfect, gentle, and always understanding.
But life is different. People are not written characters. I had to teach myself to let go of that fantasy and accept that real romance grows in everyday actions, not in dramatic scenes.
Marriage taught me self-awareness through its highs and lows. It revealed my strengths and my weaknesses and made me confront both honestly.
Eve: Looking ahead, how do you see marriage shaping your journey?
Osalam: The future is long, and I can’t say for now but whatever it is like, I hope we’re both happy, and still very much in love.
Jonathan: I think it’s making me a better man, better friend and son. I’m kinder, more emphatic, more open and a better listener.
Sally: Marriage has changed me in so many ways. It improved my thinking, my behavior, my emotional maturity, even the way I speak and reason. It changed how I see life entirely. I have learned so much about myself through marriage, and I know I will continue to get better.
Ummu: I see marriage making me a better person in all aspects because I am with someone who loves me and wants the best for me, and I also love him. We have children who we want to give the best to, so that will keep me striving to be better.
Eve: If you could, what advice would you give to other people who want to get married too?
Osalam: My advice is simple. Pray deeply for the right person because it makes everything easier. Be patient because things will not always go your way. And shift your thinking because your life is no longer about you alone.
Jonathan: Marry someone you love. Seriously. Everything is better with love. Forgiveness is easier, arguments happen less, and even the sex is better!
Sally: Choose someone kind. Kindness is everything. Choose someone patient, someone who can tolerate you, someone who listens, someone who has the fear of God in his heart. He does not have to be overly religious or a scholar, but he must be someone who values faith and treats you with respect.
Ummu: To everyone preparing for marriage, pray continually and cultivate patience, because it will guide you through challenges. Communicate openly and speak up without assuming or jumping to conclusions.
Take time to understand your partner deeply and choose your battles wisely, expressing yourself with care. Always face challenges together, support each other, and build trust step by step while letting go of malice.
Marriage is a long journey, but with patience, prayer, and understanding, it becomes a path that grows you and rewards you in ways nothing else can.
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