This is the first part of a three-part series. Links to the previous parts are at the end of the story.
Names in the stories have been changed to protect their identity.
Dear reader,
I hope you read with empathy and an open mind. You’ll likely have a lot to say afterward.
My story begins in 2020, just after the lockdown was lifted. I’d lived in Lagos for six or seven years. And this was my first time back in Port Harcourt in ages.
By the end of 2020, I officially moved back to PH and had to end my stable relationship. It had to end, though, because distance was going to be an issue, and I didn’t want that.
I explained to my partner, I told her, “Look, I’m breaking up with you because of the distance.” While she didn’t want to, she eventually understood and accepted the breakup. This allowed us to end things on a good note and stay friends.
Once I was back in PH, I kept telling myself, “Alright, I’m here to be serious now. University’s done. There’s no time for girls. I need a job. What’s next? NYSC, hustle…” Basically telling myself that this was the time to lock in, and make important life changing moves.
My brother lived alone, and I often visited his place to relax and hang out. He had a secondary school friend whose sister, Ivy, also attended the same school as me. Back in school, I’d carried a serious crush on this girl for years.
This crush lasted all through secondary school, even persisting after she transferred to another one. I still liked her then and always looked out for her whenever I passed her house, hoping to catch a glimpse. My crush on her had lasted about seven years.
Then, in a strange twist of fate, we started talking around 2020 or 2021. I’m not even sure how it happened, I can’t even recall getting her number now. I can only recall that we started chatting on WhatsApp. Subsequently, when I returned to PH, I asked if we could meet up. She agreed, and I went to her house, where we talked.
It was fun.
Another time, she came over, and we talked again, which was also fun. It didn’t take us long to realize we were attracted to each other. Soon after that, we started dating.
Crazy enough, she was still a student and had to go back to school in Benin, another state, after her break was over, while I stayed in PH.
So, Ivy went back to school, meaning I had literally run from one long-distance relationship right into another, barely seven months after my breakup. It just happened.
I mean, I had liked this girl for the longest time, and now I finally had the chance to be in a relationship with someone I’d been so infatuated with. Naturally, I wasn’t going to let that opportunity pass, no matter the obstacles.
Then it was time for me to serve the fatherland, the National Youth Service Scheme had come. I had to go to camp, and my dad offered to sort things out so I could serve in PH, right at home, with little stress, but I declined the offer and shocked everyone by telling them I wanted to serve in Benin.
It came as a shocker to my family because I had no ties to Benin. It would have been understandable if I said I wanted Lagos, that was where I had gone to uni; Anambra, where I had attended secondary school or even Imo, my hometown. Benin was a whole new concept that had never come up in my life before.
Nobody knew I wanted to go there because of Ivy, and I didn’t tell them. After some back and forth arguments, I finally convinced my family, and even though I had no plan whatsoever, I was ecstatic.
I let Ivy in on the plan from the start, told her I was working to come serve in Benin because I wanted us to be closer, and when I got the support from my family, I asked if she knew someone who could offer me a place to stay just until I could get my own place and she said she did.
She spoke to her friend, IB, and he agreed to host me. Even though he wasn’t around, he graciously let me stay at his place after camp. Although I didn’t see Ivy during my first month there, I made friends and had fun until I got posted and settled in.
Ivy and I made plans to meet after I got my own place and settled in. The distance between where I lived and her school wasn’t that much, it was about an hour.
We talked through my plans to come see her at school and when I finally traveled to her, we stayed in a hotel for the weekend, and it was beautiful. It was so wonderful until Sunday arrived and I had to head back for work.
Seeing how stressful the commute was for me, she decided she’d be the one to come to me on weekends or whenever she had a break. I was incredibly grateful for this because the stress was starting to get to me, even though I never complained.
Whenever Ivy came, she’d stay for four or five days, and it was amazing. We’d hang out, go on dates, have fun at home, make love, it was glorious.
It’s important to me that I mention how I have never had the intentions to cheat, it has never crossed my mind as an act I’d intentionally want to do. I was in love with Ivy, and had firmly made up my mind that she was the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
Yes, I was young and in love, and perhaps that wasn’t the most realistic mindset. Maybe I was just being naive and foolish. However, I genuinely meant it at the time, it was my complete and honest truth.
In a way, I have always been the sort of guy who never struggled with women. Talking to them, asking them out on a date, getting their number, things like that always came easy to me.
I always had some sort of popularity among the girls, but throughout my service year, I set large boundaries between myself and other women, made it clear that I had a partner, that I wasn’t interested in playing funny games. And things were fine, they were going smoothly.
I wasn’t about to mess things up with Ivy.
Due to school, Ivy wasn’t always around and so even though I had come to Benin to be closer to her, there was still some distance between us which meant she couldn’t be around often.
She often came once a month, but there was a period we went three months without seeing each other. As a young adult with raging hormones and shaky control over them, I got horny often.
Whenever I did, I would watch porn, masturbate, and cool off. Watching porn to cool off was the better alternative I discovered. It kept me from being led by lust into the arms of another woman. It kept me secure in my faithful relationship.
It didn’t matter that I had a female flat mate I could’ve had an affair with, I stayed faithful. At the start of my relationship with Ivy, everything was great. I watched porn like the average guy, nothing extreme, just a young, acne-prone adult with energy and raging hormones.
The year came and went by, I was proud of myself.
I didn’t know that what I saw as the better choice was really me planting the seeds of something dangerous.
Continued in part two…
He asked that you read with empathy, and now he’s asking for something else: your thoughts. What would you have done in his place?
This is the first part of this story. Read Part two here (link when ready).
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